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Missions_addict37
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Name: Matt
Country: United States
State: Washington
Metro: Spokane
Birthday: 4/18/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: MISSIONS!!!!!!(yeah, the user-name didnt give THAT away) I hope to be a missionary someday, I went to Botswana in the summers of 2003 and 2004 and Panama in Dec. 04-Jan.05, Thailand in March '05 and Peru in July '05, WAHOO!!!!
Acting! (32 shows and counting!)
Singing (ever notice thats ing ing with an S?) running red lights
Praising the Lord, cause he is SOOOO awesome and so worthy of praise! Ministering to Children, poverty stricken, the gay community. Basically, those that the church turns away, my heart is to see their hearts turn to their creator and loving father!
Snowboarding!!!!!!
Hangin out with my people!!!! (love ya guys!)
Listening to Music
LIFE!!! I'm just happy to be alive.God has given me a new song in my heart, and NOTHING will ever silence my praises for him. I will sing this song with all my heart all my days! AMEN!!!
Expertise: Making people launch liquids out their noses, starting bar fights, hugs, making coffee and cappucinnos, winking and licking the window, making people laugh, playing with toasters, confusing farm animals, falling up staircases, quoting Disney movies, moshing lawn gnomes, playing with and lovin on kids, running into glass doors, playing candyland, talking, snorting when I laugh and proving that blonde is more than a hair color, its a lifestyle!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
AIM:  screwball3703
Yahoo:  screwball3703
Member Since:
11/21/2003
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| something has changed. i feel like a bird, taken from the skies and locked in a cage, for a lifetime ive looked out the window and seen the sky. And my very heart has cried out to taste the unknown. I've sung about things ive only dreamed of as a caged sparrow sings a song he was never taught, yet knows by heart. As Maya Angelou said "I know why the caged bird sings"
But yesterday, something happened. the door was opened. the cage was left wide open, and the sky beckoned.
yet I sit here, sticking my head out the open door, looking at the sky. maybe its a trick. maybe I cant survive out there.
you see, there are other birds. bigger ones. more colorful ones. ones with prettier songs. ones who have been free longer. the sky should belong to them right? I'm just a pudgy little sparrow with short wings...
yet something calls me out to fly...
so why am I just sitting here?
the same voice that calmed a sea and lovingly rebuked his disciples calls from the sky
"little bird
my child and creation...
"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
do I still have no faith?
why am I so afraid?
I want to fly, but I'm so used to captivity I dont know how to embrace freedom...
why am I so afraid?
do I still have no faith?
I have seen blind people healed! I have seen bodies and hearts restored. I have watched joy light into the eyes of the hopeless worldwide!
I KNOW who Jesus is for the destitute and poor and needy, for the beggar and the orphan...
but who is he for me.
I'm an unoriginal sparrow, whos lived a comfortable life in a cage, dreaming of flying
and i have that chance....
finally
do I still have no faith?
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| I've been thinking...
well, thats an understatement. I've been getting blasted with the Love of a living and dynamic God and have had no choice but to respond by loving outwardly, and reflecting on this being that my mind cannot contain....
thats more apt to describe it :)
I've been told from several sources that I am to "religious". Apparently that is why I dont fit in with the mainstream theatre worlds and crowds. I'm too religious. My heart is in a different place than Times Square or London's West End. As much as I love the arts, I am finding a deeper love.
Yet it never fails. When you seem to pursue this love, this deity who saved us, distraction, or discouragement comes.
"your too religious Matt."
likewise, the common response from most people in the religious world is "your too theatrical"
so let me get this straight, I cant be in the theatre because I'm too religious? and I cant be involved in ministry (as some say) because I am a little eccentric?
so where can I go?
Albuquerque? (wow, I spelled that right on the first attempt! SWEET!)
Last weekend, I left Lynchburg for a matter of hours. I drove, before the suns alarm clock had even thought of getting up. 4 hours to Norfolk, VA. I experienced my first Acquire The Fire as a Teen Mania alumni! It was such a blessing, seeing friends who were now ministry teamers, january interns who were actively leading thousands to Christ!
and yet something in me hurt. My heart ached. I longed to escape the "me" oriented world of theatre and go give! But more so, I ached because I realized how truly passionless I was. You say I'm too radical now? you didnt see me at my highest points in the internship. When we really were going to change the world! When our meager phone calls were going to reach the state of Idaho! When this drama team was going to BLAST the Gospel in a whole new light!
I recalled the passion of what seemed forever ago, and almost cried so many times throughout the day. I missed that Matt, the one who smiled and meant it. He was alot more fun than this creature of monotone. Listening to the Norfolk call team bubble in excitment that they were HERE and their event was NOW and people were going to et SAVED...I found myself doing it to...
"gosh, these kids are so idealistic, its between cute and nauseating....theyre so religious....did I just...?"
yeah, I went there. thats when I realized it. passionless people try to drain passion from others. Its easier to do that then rekindle the fire in their own soul. Its also more comfortable. You dont risk looking like a fool, in fact you look mature and wise. Young and idealistic people are passionate. But us, we are more mature, we dont pee our pants when people "get saved", after all they might not mean it.
excuse me
*vomit!*
I was disgusted with my own self! Why was I listening to the lie of monotony?
I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I start talking to this guy. Current intern, named Josh. And this crazy idealist keeps asking the "wise and mature" (HAHAHAHA...ok, I thought it was funny) alumni all these questions. Then he asks me what event I called for. I remembered my desk in the ATF call center. I remembered Kyle and I grabbing the throne of God for Idaho, for the teens. I remember fighting to get Jackie from Salt Lake City her tickets, or help Kama from Oregon find a hotel, or playing phone tag with Phil from Glens Ferry, Idaho. I remember so many names, and wondering time after time "phil is bringing like 9 kids, is it worth it?"
but something said it was
and so we fought on
Boise was a success. But for the 07-08 tour, it was pulled off last minute. I got e-mails and phone calls for months from youth pastors that we had worked with. Kyle and I fought to get it back on the schedule. to no avail. I felt like we were abandoning the Northwest. I left Teen Mania with a twinge of bitterness (how could you?), hurt (did we not work hard enough?) and apathy (oh well, it was probably all hype). All this flooded back to me as I told Josh I was the team captain for the Boise ATF.
His eyes were as wide as the belt buckles worn by the natives in Texas.
"DUDE! I WAS THERE!"
?
was it possible?
This young man had been rocked up both sides of the Idaho Center Arena between Feb. 23-24 of 2007. He was now a Teen Mania intern. His brother had been to Botswana on a GE trip. Several kids were saved. He kept going on and on about how God was STILL using that event to change Glens Ferry Idaho...
wait...
"Josh, is Phil your youth pastor?"
here, on the concourse of the Constant Convocation Center in Norfolk, stood a piece of fruit from the seeds sown. A life changed, altered, renewed. He was one of those 9 kids from 1st Baptist Church of Glens Ferry that Kyle and I had fought over, cried over, prayed over...
he looked me in the eyes, and said the words that broke the facade of maturity shrouding the decaying of my soul to apathy...
"Matt, thank you for being faithful"
I lost it. I cried like a baby in front of God knows how many! It was too much to handle, to inconceivable. This kid who I had prayed over for months was now praying over me.
and what a healing came! When I let go of the mask of who I never wanted to become!
later that night, I took a break from helping out and sat in on the final session. I sat in a crowd 4000 strong. I watched as young people danced, shouted, sang, jumped, cried. Was it emotion? Was it reckless abandon?
Who cares! It was anything BUT apathy!
and as I watched a bouncing sea of youthful energy, I heard these words...
"THIS will change the World."
stale, lifeless, canned and condensed and bulk-packaged from Sams Club Christianity will affect no one.
But passion will
love will
the zealots
the radicals
THESE are the ones who took the gospel out 2 millenia ago!
and signs and wonders followed!
where are the signs and wonders today?
even better question, were are the zealots?
exactly
where are those who dont give a flip about their "image" and will love him and love those around him? who will talk with the outcast? on the other end of the planet or the other end of the lunch room?
I was surrounded by them. Jesus crazed, squeaky voiced 13 year olds
and I felt unworthy to be in their presence.
But he showed me so much through these unashamed lovers of the living God
and I found myself back at his feet, dancing like a fool and not caring what anyone thought.
I came home
I woke from the nightmare of mediocrity!
THIS will change the world. Desiring God!
THIS will change the world. Passionate pursuit of his kingdoms fulfillment, in our own nation, all nations, and in our own hearts!
THIS will change the word. Dreamers who dont care if they are laughed at!
THIS will change the world!
UNashamed love....
in Madagascar
Lynchburg
everywhere there are people
am I too religious?
no
I'm a half crazed, passionate zealot!
and if that makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why
I'm not better than you
I've just tasted something real
and I want to share it
:)
Jesus is real, and he is coming back.
Lets start living like we actually believe that.
Lets change the World!
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| Hello xanga world
I'm not dead, just been busy
and apathetic
and lame
but here this is
1. I'm in Tokyo, Japan right now! I've been here for 10 days and I go home tomorrow, awesome missions trip, more stories to come.
2. I am back on my feet. This semester was extremely difficult, and not gonna lie it took alot out of me. And I dont know if the path goes up or down from here. I cant see God in the fog
but I hear his voice.
and after the kicking and screaming and tantrums are over
my flesh caves
my spirit is one ounce stronger
and I follow
come what may
I follow
anyways, note this. If you dont want to be encouraged, never look back at old xanga entries. If you want to stay in a mindset of "I've blown it, God cant use me", avoid them. Because, thats when you see all that he has done.
wow
anyways, here is my traditional new years reflection.
its good to be back guys ;)
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Graduated from an internship, visited Eastern Europe, worked behind the scenes at a massive youth conference (thrice!), Directed a drama team, was pressed but not crushed...
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not really, I believe change and growth is more than just around new years. (same answer as last year)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No...?
4. Did anyone close to you die? David Hernandez, 6/13/07. Vaya con Dios
5. What countries did you visit? Canada, France, Hungary, Romania, Japan, the south!
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Financial stability.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 23-24th (Boise ATF), April 30th (Shattered Clay presented "The Response"), August 11th (GRADUATION!!!), August 15th (returned to Liberty U), November 10-11th (Dear Maura presented in PA), December 13th (completed my first play and finished hardest semester EVER!), December 14-17 (CALI w/KENDRA), December 28 (arrived in Japan!)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Completing the Teen Mania Honor Academy. Hardest year of my life, but so worth it!
9. What was your biggest failure? Declaring war, and then whining when attacks came...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major, my teeth suck but other than that...
11. What was the best thing you bought? Pretty big fan of all the green tea ice cream I've bought here in Japan.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Ted Baker, Family at Teen Mania, Hud and April McWilliams, Desiree Smith, Kendra Morales, Mike Wrape, etc...
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? People who did not maintain contact. I wouldnt say appaled, but saddened. Also, people obsessed with instigating drama, boo!
14. Where did most of your money go? The Internship/LU
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? the Boise ATF
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? "Come so far, got so far to go" from Hairspray
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier! been refined alot, but yes, I am happier
b) thinner or fatter? I've put on some pounds after Teen Mania, like 5, but still, I need to get some corporate going again!
c) richer or poorer? I learned alot about poverty of spirit this year. And financially, bout the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? laughed, loved, not chosen bitterness, trusted
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? held on to shortcoings, of others and myself
20. How did you be spend Christmas? Actually, first Christmas ever not in Spokane, in Seattle w/family
21. Did you fall in love in 2006? no, not with any human
22. How many one-night stands? wow, lame question
23. What was your favorite TV program? Amazing Race, even tho I only watched one episode in a hospital waiting room...
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope, there are people I no longer trust or respect, but no one I hate
25. What was the best movie you saw? August Rush, Dan in Real Life, Meet the Robinsons, HAIRSPRAY!!!!!
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Ayumi Hamasaki, Japanese rockstar!
27. What did you want and get? Gods will (same answer as last 2 years)
28. What did you want and not get? Gods will 110% of the time (again, same answer as last 2 years)
29. What did you do on your birthday? ROCKIN! WICKED in DALLAS!!!!! I love people!
30.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? if I had just trusted sooner and whined less...maybe I'll learn this year...
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Intern uniform, followed by saw-dust covered and paint stained work clothes. As always, however, I maintain that I am no slave to fashion. Fashion is a slave to me!
31. Who kept you sane? Those listed in #12.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Benazir Bhutto
33. What political issue stirred you the most? The assassination of Benazir Bhutto (seriously, I creid).
34. Who did you miss? My Teen Mania peeps
35. Who was the best new person you met? I have to pick one?
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006? "The only thing that counts is FAITH expressing itself through LOVE!" book of Galatians
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "There is a road we must travel, there is a promise that we must make. But the riches will be plenty, worth the risk and the chances that we take. Theres a dream in the future, theres a struggle that we have yet to win. But theres pride in my heart to lift us up to tomorrow, cause just to sit still would be a sin. I know where I'm going, Lord knows I know where I've been.
I give thanks to my God cause I know where I've been" ~Hairspray
Love! | | |
| I am being taught right now
and learning can sometimes be a difficult experience...
espescilly when you are dragging your heels
I am a social person by nature. I just love people, I draw so much from being around or in a crowd. That in itself is not a problem.
but there came a point where He was not enough for me. Where I had placed people, friends, loved ones, higher than any throne for the almighty
and I am being taught
my life is rather lonely right now. This isnt an emo no-one-likes-me kinda note, or a depressed cry for attention, this is the musings of a very heyper mind. I have friends, i am making new friends, life isnt horrible
but theres something about coming home to an empty apartment. In times like that you look in the mirror and you are forced to reflect, think, observe, be. In those moments, past doesnt matter, the future is to distant to think upon, and right now is the last time you see your breathe in the air as winter fades to spring-there one moment and gone before you have time to appreciate it. in those moments, the hard questions are asked
"am I living, or floating?"
"did I do anything today that will last?"
"was He glorified?"
and I realize, I AM learning. I dont need people as much as I thought I did. Because I am discovering something.
reliance
what is it worth, to be dependent on a God that cannot be seen by the naked eye?
what is it worth to trust him?
to be labeled as crazy, idealistic, "hollier-than-thou"?
and is it worth it, to be trusted by him? to carry out his work? to hold a load on our backs, to pick up our cross and follow him?
yes
I am learning how worth it it is.
just for the moments where he steals my breath away, where he creates a sunset or places a dandelion in my way (God knows how much I love Dandelions!) Where he provides a parking spot on a hectic day, or no parking spot and reminds me to be more prepared next time. He provides like a father, inspires like an artist, disciplines like a coach
and MAN can he wow me! Is it odd to say that the One who concieved the cosmos cares to steal my heart as a lover? Its to good to be true, almost more than I can bear!
and yet its more real than a crowded room of hyper theatre people. More real than anything. For there I find peace, hope, affirmation and refinement, all in one embrace.
and it is so worth it all! Honestly, people ask how people could be martyred for Christ, or sell all they own and pursue him. Its for LOVE! They are the ones who have tasted and seen that the Lord is good! I am one of them, among those who have found out just how good he is at dancing; who have been swept off our feet.
and that is worth giving all for, to love Him back.
Lol, this isnt about how lonely I am, this is about how I am discovering a deeper level of Him through what I'm goin through.
I'm not crazy, just in love
well, I guess when your in love you are a little crazy. And suddenly, everything becomes worth it, just to be with the one you love?
crazy enough to climb moutains?
swim oceans?
leave heaven be born in a barn die on a cross and conqueor death?
you see he went crazy in love
he is our example right?
I'm gonna be alright y'all, I'm goin to make it.
and it will be worth it.
cause Love makes you do crazy things right?
it makes the crazy worth it?
exactly! | | |
| How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
in all seriousness, WHY should I gain from his reward?
I cannot give an answer
but more than ever, I know, I KNOW with all my heart
his wounds have paid my ransom.....
I am
.grateful.awestruck.inspired.humbled.
broken and reborn
his wounds have paid my ransom | | |
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